we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
