I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
