obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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