woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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