I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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