obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize