Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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