i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
