He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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