the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
