Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
