Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I could fuck to npr.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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