I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
