as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
