6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
