I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
If I had your ass I would rule the world
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
