Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
