just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
