i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
