So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
