my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My ass is underappreciated
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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