Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
