i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
