i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
40s are totally the cure
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Randomize
