ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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