I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
