You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
you never un-have a 4some
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
