But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
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We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
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WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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