pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
