if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
