You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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