you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
