i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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