I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
My ATM looks so different sober.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
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