I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
