you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
