will power is for people who don't want to get laid
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
