If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
