I am spending my child support on dildos
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize