Sorry, I don't speak sober.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize