remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
