i think i have two assholes
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
