Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
