I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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