Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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