I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
