When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
