ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
