I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
