im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
