I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
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Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
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he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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