i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
