But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
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When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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