i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
