conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
