what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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