lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
