If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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