your room smells of hookers.
And success
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You made out with two different species that night
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
